had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Randomize
