Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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