I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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