You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
