I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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