Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
