We named our party play list daddy issues
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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