I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
