i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
