i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
