so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize