Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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