Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
