how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
why is half of my head shaved?
Two words: nipple clamps
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