i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
