You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
