but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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