i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
