every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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