In the future we'll all be gay
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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