I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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