Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
