just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
