I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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