mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
