I murdered the dance floor call the cops
grandma shit on top of the toilet
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
