he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
