Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
