Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
is that a dick in a sweater?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
