omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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