I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
