my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
