one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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