honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
