dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
