spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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