i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
