Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
