And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
