ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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