I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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