Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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