She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
