We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
birth control should be required to get into college
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize