Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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