My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We have started to decorate penises.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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