Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
