I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
