I am puke
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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