I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
