I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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