Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
