I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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