she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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