My hand turned me down
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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