Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
