He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
