yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
