Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
