At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
