woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
