just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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