Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize