Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
